Eventually
when you get online you will most likely end up moving from surfing
the web, to finding some interaction on the different email groups
that the internet is so blessed with. One of these days you're going
to get tired of web surfing or listening in on LISTSERVs, IRCs, Usenet
newsgroups or whatever, and you're going to want to say something
yourself.
At that moment, your life will change. Let's see if we can't make that
change for the better...
Evangelism
Everyone is tempted
from time to time to evangelise, to stride boldly into the enemy's
camp and throw down the gauntlet. We will never see the end of people
who pop up on comp.sys.intel praising Macs and Amigas; who send mail
to the SKEPTIC list that flying saucers really, truly do exist; who
enlighten the Buddhist newsgroups that they're all bound for hell, and
on an on.
In the entire history
of the net, no one has managed to do this without looking like a
complete idiot. If you believe you are the one person who will succeed
where millions have failed, then you're ready to learn about...
Flames
There is nothing you
can say that won't offend somebody:
>It's a bright,
sunny day today.
You filthy *@#?$!,
what have you got against Melbourne?!
Flames (violent verbal
expressions of disapproval), misunderstandings, overreactions, and
hurt feelings are par for the course. Four lessons from experience:
Hedge your
bets.
Rather than saying, "Metal rules! Death to all
that oppose!!" try saying "In my humble opinion (often
abbreviated IMHO) metal bands perfectly express my feelings, choices,
and lifestyle. Your mileage may vary." (another net cliché, less
frequently abbreviated YMMV). By the way, BTW is another frequent net
abbreviation, for what it's worth (FWIW).
Apologize.
When misunderstanding is the culprit, and especially if you respect
the person who misunderstood, take the blame on yourself for being
unclear, apologize, say what you meant more clearly (if appropriate)
and put it behind you. As in real life (remember that?) people who are
quick to anger are often equally quick to forgive.
Avoid flame
bait.
(Conduct which gravely offends the norms, mores and
folkways of a particular group.) "Now wait a minute!" you
say. "Do you mean that something that's accepted behaviour on one
list or newsgroup will draw dozens of stinging, ridiculing comments in
another?" I sure do. What can you do? Lurk a while before you
post. Read what's said like an anthropologist, trying to discover what
the big no-nos are. The beginning of a school term is a wonderful time
to do this, as you will observe the clueless newbies who weren't smart
enough to read this paragraph being torn to shreds. There are some
things you should NEVER do, and we'll list them in a minute, but let's
get to the last bit of advice.
Bow down to
the group's gods.
In every Usenet newsgroup and listserv mailing list there are old, grey
heads who have earned the respect of everyone in the group. For
example, amongst the subscribers to the list discussing the late
American band leader Stan Kenton are the producer of a Kenton box set
and the authors of definitive Kenton biographies and discographies.
You are entirely ignorant compared to those people. Never pretend
you're anything else. They would dearly love to help you to answer a
question, help you find a rare record but you'll always come out
second best in a head-butting contest with them. Still other group
members have earned their status through long service. Friendships
have developed over many years, and marriage is not unknown. By
commenting abusively to or about one of these gods, you'll earn not
only her enmity, but the enmity of all of her friends-- which may be
everyone in the group but you!
- DON'T
include the entire contents of a previous posting in your reply.
DO
cut mercilessly. Leave just enough to indicate what you're
responding to. NEVER include mail headers except maybe the
"From:" line. If you can't figure out how to delete lines
in your mailer software, paraphrase or type the quoted material in.
- DON'T reply
to a point in a posting without quoting or paraphrasing what you're
responding to and who said it. Reason: a dozen postings may occur
between the original message and your reply. At some sites your
reply may get there before the original.
DO
quote (briefly) or paraphrase. If the original "Subject:"
line was "Big dogs" make sure yours says "Re: Big
dogs". Some REPLY functions do this automatically. By net
convention, included lines are preceded by ">" (greater
than signs). Some mail editors and newsreaders do this
automatically. Others require you to do it manually or set the
"indent character" to ">".
- DON'T
send a message saying "Why doesn't anybody say anything about
X?" or "Who wants to talk about X?"
It's always a risk to
start a new topic (often called a thread). The group may have just
finished a long, bitter war about that very subject. But if you want
to take the risk, SAY SOMETHING yourself about the subject you're
raising.
- DON'T
send lines longer than 70 characters. This is a kindness to folks
with terminal-based mail editors or newsreaders. Some mail gateways
truncate extra characters turning your deathless prose into
gibberish.
Some mail editor
tools only SEEM to insert line breaks for you, but actually don't,
so that every paragraph is one immense line. Learn what your mail
editor does.
- DON'T
SEND A MESSAGE IN ALL CAPS. CAPITALIZED MESSAGES ARE HARDER TO READ
THAN LOWER CASE OR MIXED CASE.
DO
use normal capitalisation. Separate your paragraphs with blank
lines. Make your message inviting to your potential readers.
- DON'T
betray confidences. It is all too easy to quote a personal letter in
a posting to the entire group.
DO
read the "To:" and "Cc:" lines in your message
before you send it. Are you SURE you want the mail to go there?
- DON'T
make statements which can be interpreted as official positions of
your organization or offers to do business. Saying "Boy, I'd
sure like to have one of them Crays" could result in a truck at
your loading dock and a bill in the mail even larger than your
student loan.
DO
treat every post as though you were sending a copy to your boss,
your minister, and your worst enemy.
- DON'T
rely on the ability of your readers to tell the difference between
serious statements and satire or sarcasm. It's hard to write funny.
It's even harder to write satire.
DO
remember that no one can hear your tone of voice. Use emotions (or
smilies) like :-) or :^) --turn your head counter-clockwise to see
the smile. You can also use caps for emphasis or use net conventions
for italics and underlines as in: "You said the guitar solo on
"Comfortably Numb" from Pink Floyd's _The Wall_ was
*lame*? Are you OUT OF YOUR MIND???!!!"
- DON'T
make a posting that says nothing but "Me, too." This is
most annoying when combined with (1) or (2) above. Ditto for "I
don't know."
DO
remember the immortal words of Martin Farquhar Tupper (1810-1889):
"Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech."
Yes! Its Worldwide!
A word to people living
in the United States: the net is international. If you tell a Belgian
she's being un-American. SHE ISN'T OFFENDED. Of course she's
un-American; you're un-Belgian. She doesn't care about being
lectured on the First Amendment and American values. She doesn't HAVE
a First Amendment and she thinks Belgian values are better.
We Americans have made fools of ourselves by forgetting this
everywhere else. Let's try to behave a little better on the net.
Get The FAQs
Finally, many groups
have had the sense to write down some of their norms and folkways in a
frequently asked questions (FAQ) list along with (what else?) the
answers to frequently asked questions. Many Usenet FAQs are posted
monthly or so on the news.answers. List owners of listservs are often
quite willing to mail you the FAQ for the list. In fact, they may have
already told you where it is in the letter you get welcoming you to
the list.
With all
we've said above, and with all the help newsgroup moderators and list
owners are providing to newcomers, it almost seems like you'd have to
work at it to go charging in with your mouth open and your eyes and
ears shut, thereby aggravating and alienating some otherwise perfectly
nice people. The good Lord gave use two eyes and two ears and one
mouth to remind us of that very thing. But he gave us ten fingers, and
here we are.
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